My daughter will be one next Sunday. It doesn’t seem that long ago that I went to the ER and was told I was 35 weeks pregnant. I am still in awe that in about 48 hours I went from child-free to mother. Within a moment, life was no longer just me and my significant other. My first year of motherhood has flown by. Seemingly, in a blink of an eye, my first year of motherhood is almost over.
Thankfully, motherhood no longer feels like I am playing catch up or barely swimming above water. In the beginning I was very unprepared. The occupation of motherhood was daunting, scary, and overwhelming. I wasn’t ready for something that I didn’t plan for let alone that happened on such short notice. I was panicked, ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. In my mind I had already failed as a mother.
But then she looked at me.
This tiny, beautiful, healthy baby looked at me and she had no idea about the circumstances regarding her birth. She looked at me and none of my negative feelings mattered to her. I was enough for her. I looked at her and realized that I was her world and she was mine. Nothing else mattered but being the best mother I can be for her.
My first year of motherhood has changed me.
I will never be the same. Being a mom isn’t something I was ready for but it’s something that I would never change. I love it even when I don’t like it. My respect for my mother has deepened enormously. The empathy I have for mothers has evolved now that I am one myself. The clichés, quotes, and jokes are relatable. Looking at my daughter, I can’t help but get teary-eyed. She is growing too fast for me. I want time to stop and keep her little for just a bit longer. While I can’t stop time, I can look fondly on the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to more happy motherhood memories in the future.
