Tuesday, October 26, 2021
birth control
Thoughts on Motherhood

Changing My Birth Control For The Sake of My Mental Health

I had been using the same birth control since I was eighteen years old.

I had been prescribed a generic version of Lybrel at eighteen due to being severely anemic. The anemia forced me to be hospitalized prior to being prescribed the birth control due to losing too much blood during my cycle.

Up until finding out I was unknowingly pregnant it was the best option for me. I took the pill daily, it stopped my periods, and protected me from getting pregnant. The anxiety associated with being re-hospitalized or having such a terrible cycle that could cause exhaust and pain was removed. The worry of being pregnant was gone. I took the pill as prescribed for over 10 years.

Then I had a baby and new anxiety crept in. The pill was not going to work anymore for me. Even with going to post-partum therapy and processing everything I couldn’t shake the anxiety.

I didn’t trust myself or my birth control pill anymore.

Once the six weeks of no sexual activity was over I felt the anxiety magnified. I was being safe but I thought I had been safe before. Stress consumed me while awaiting my period. I couldn’t exhale until it came. I was so afraid to wake up and find myself in the same scenario I just had came out of.

The stress and the fact I had just had a baby made my periods erratic which caused me to be even more anxious. I was weighing myself, taking pregnancy test, and poking my post-partum stomach in the mirror for any early signs of pregnancy. The last time I missed the signs but the next time I would know.

I decided to get Nexplanon. In short, I didn’t have to think about it. Per my post-partum appointment, I was told it would be safe, it had a .05% failure rate, it would last for three years, I could take it out sooner, and I didn’t have to remember to take a pill. It might not be for everyone but for me, it was the answer to my anxiety.

So I got it.

Do I have some anxiety still associated with possibly getting pregnant? Yes. But currently, it’s at .05% and I am thankful for it.

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